This was unexpected. My hands and feet froze and I began to feel like a cripple. I just couldn’t move. I never had this strange feeling in years.
“I know what you are thinking. But I must confess that it took a lot of effort to make up my mind. Life is quite unpredictable and here I am; talking to you. Feels like you have always been around and it feels like my heart has always yearned for your voice. You must be thinking what brings me to this. Well, that’s life…”
I was waiting there.
It was raining heavily and I was just waiting. I was waiting for her to come once and talk to me. Tell me. Hear me out. My soul craved for her presence. All I wanted was to see her once. We were two young lovers who had no idea what the world wanted out of us. Or maybe it was just me who couldn’t hear the loud ringing bells of disparity. I could not get that day off my mind for time to come.
It was gloomy, dark and painfully long.
“Let me tell you how it really feels…it feels like a beautiful bird being caged in the confines of life. It feels like its dignity is being quashed under the realms of life. All it wants is Catharsis. I know you understand that better than anyone. I don’t know if it really makes sense to you but I want to speak my heart out”
I left the place and ran towards the ocean. I just wanted to sit there. I just wanted the day to pass. I just wanted life to pass. I wanted to end what was about to start. But I couldn’t. I knew; we have to run full cycle before we reincarnate as better souls.
I wondered how long would it take.
“I know you have many questions in mind right now. I know you are reading this. I know you waited for me and maybe long enough. I know that you are a still searching for yourself. I was the unfortunate one to make a choice that I would always regret. I am the one who left the best of us, to suffer”
Sometimes, I misinterpreted the term Catharsis and wondered how or what would it take to get there. Was it just about purging my emotional being? Or was it a broader concept that my mind couldn’t measure. It took days, month, and years. I chose to live; on my terms. No limits, no jurisdictions and no room for apathy. It was my travel, my books and my writings.
“Love is a strange thing. It just persists. And like water, the shape of love is quite precise. It takes the shape of the container that holds it. Sometimes, it spills out shamelessly. But it never questions its own fluidity. Today, I questioned mine.
And the answer was….”
I closed the message screen and never looked at it again.
I got up and walked towards the window while life played a mystical tune in mind. I looked out.
It was still raining. Neither gloomy nor painful.
I now know how long it took. To find my Catharsis.
Sixteen Years, Ten months, Eleven days