An Artist’s Dichotomy of Love

“My imaginations ran wild with every passing thought. My youth wasn’t spent chasing worldly desires. I spent it in forests building connections with animals. I spent it on shores of deep oceans; turbulent on surface yet calm deep within. I spent it spreading colors on my canvas; colors which brought my imaginations to life. I spent it with people who taught me to talk, to dance, to laugh, to live. I spent it cherishing the moments spent with the love of my life; love that was far from away. I spent it reading masterpieces filling my fertile mind with priceless wisdom.

I was different. And that’s why they called me crazy. I saw what others didn’t. I was as fearless as a bird; a bird that does not fear its wings being clipped. A bird that cannot be caged or trifled with. I made friends with mountains and lakes and rivers. I familiarized myself with the bounties of life’s simplest moments that most of us ignored. A flock of bird amazed me. Flowing water caught my attention. I was stupid in my own limited intelligence.

I never believed that I had to fall in love again to start appreciating my life. I was in love with things that meant nothing to the real world.

I did fall in love.

My theory of love was: You give me one percent; I will give back a hundred. I knew Love was the most indispensible part of living. For me, it transcended every little thing that I experienced in life so far. I accepted that I needed love. And I was too bright in hiding it for so long but could not hold it long enough.

Love grew so did unspoken expectations.

It was no more about my travel, my paintings, my music, my photography. It was about the world that I began building around a promise. I had freedom yet I was bounded to shackles of worldly desires for the first time in my life. Everything that made me what I was, smudged away bit by bit.  I was a different person. A person compelled to take on the world; a world that once called me crazy. All my life I symbolized something as elemental as a wild Tiger. I chose to live like one. Irony was that I called my love ‘A Tigress’.

For the next two years, I would wake up early in the morning and leave for my corporate job. While travelling I scrolled across fellow photographers, who produced vivid colors through their lenses while my camera rested helplessly in one of the forgotten old shelves. Sometimes, I thought, maybe it was for the greater good. There is a breaking point in anyone’s life. Mine wasn’t harsh, it was beautiful. It was a revelation more than disparagement.

A beautiful story does not always have a beautiful end.

Mine did.

I am a free bird, a dreamer, an adventurer. I see things that the world ignores and I find love in the bounties of smallest moments of life. Freedom comes with a price and I had the courage to pay it. My camera has moved to my desk and my paintings have made way to the walls. Each morning I wake up and listen to music. I read more and more about people and their lives. I take pictures, I make pictures. Sometimes, I go to the beach during dusks. Every time the sunset appears different. Every time the tinges change on the clouds. Sometimes it is too bright, sometimes too dark.  A game of snooker makes me think how life changes rapidly. Someone’s loss is someone’s gain. I do not associate with the corporate world now. I believe in Life that happens every passing second; for good, for bad. But this is what makes us humans the best artists. Our imaginations have no limits, our dreams have no boundaries. Our thoughts have no jurisdictions. Our love has no apathy.”

The Tiger continues to be an elemental part of my life for it loves its solitude and magnificence. The Tigress continues to live in the world that I don’t want to understand.

– For Life

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