The Anatomy of Love – In India (Part 3)

The area that a breakup affects the most is friendship especially when the two of you had common friends. They are left in a fix –Whoever appears sinking is generally rescued first. Yes, friends are the greatest source of liberation when fallouts happen between two lovers. They act as your family and caretakers. Sometimes they yell at you and sometimes they pamper you like an infant ape. You leave all your worries behind when they are with you. Ninety percent of the people recover from breakups if they have good company. Remaining ten percent often consider themselves as Holocaust survivors.

At Friends House

Beyond your understanding of exploits maturity to the highest level, one of your best friends is found abandoned by his true love. Although you feel their pain and crisis, you actually give a fuck because you know it is as temporary as an orgasm. You come forward all out to save your friend from desolation. You connect his experiences to yours and behave like a man with too many principles. While you enjoy all of his free booze and smokes, you carefully listen to his shit and try comforting him. If your friend is on the feminine side, you have a remarkable task to accomplish. She will hound you with her emotions and your mother will begin suspecting a foul play as you begin missing your morning classes.

One fine day, you decide in a round table conference at your favorite Chinese joint, to screw the groom’s happiness. While you discuss the plan, your buddy feels like a naked man standing below a shower that has just stopped throwing water. Now he is reluctant whether to wipe himself with towel or wait for the supply to resume. You along with your two vandal looking friends call up the groom and threaten him – of course with all the colorful language you have learnt so far. The same night, two corrupt police constables knock your door and drag you, feet first to their shabby looking vehicle. You are seated on a bed-bug infested table and interrogated on your connections with the underworld. At one point you are convinced that you had something to do with Al-Qaeda or Boko Haram.  Then for the remaining night, they bless you with their unique tools built for criminals and rapists. You begin to regret your machoism and curse your friend while they spank you with an oil laced Harley Davidson belt.

You are collected by your lover boy and his family the next morning and you declare yourself out of the game citing a physical recovery of three weeks and mental recovery of three years. Your friend apologizes and you chart your course to his misery once again. You call up his baby and ask for an opinion. She responds in a mediocre way of course while licking her favorite Baskin Robins. Damn you, you motherhubbard ! – You hang up in disgust.

While your friend prepares to gulp down the latest mosquito repellent available in the market you finally invade territory and show him the true colors of his so called baby. You made good use of your cheap smart phone to gather evidential data. You feel like Nelson Mandela preaching humanity at Guantanamo bay prison. But being as shameless as a bison mating in a public zoo, you ask him for more booze to control his emotions. Eventually, he loses grip on the girl and declares a final war against infidelity. His rebellion takes him to many self-help websites but he finds something substantial while watching a Korean soft porn flick.

Your phone is used to order a large pizza from Domino’s and the rest is history!  He lost an infidel woman and you, with all your cheap thrills and convictions – got your truest friend back.

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