The Anatomy of Love – In India (Part 2)

Subsequent to your breakup, you find yourself in a whirlpool of emotions. You are so fragile that even your dog defeats you in chess. You develop new personality traits which are often perceived as negative by your peers. You tend to lose focus in whatever you do. You feel like a North Korean – you have everything to show but no one to see.

The Boys house

Few days back you realized that you have been abandoned by your own baby. Why? She is getting married. You look back into the past and try to figure out what must have happened. Did they find out that I am loser at work? Or maybe they know my mom smokes marijuana? Worst; they saw my driving license where I look identical to a middle aged Orangutan. Possibilities are endless for a guy who has nothing but an old tricycle to flaunt.

You are hunted by a bunch of hooligans all the time. You guessed it right. You change your phone number quickly. You also request your hairdresser to give to an unrecognizable look. You finally grow a beard and wear a geek spectacle. You technically do not have much sympathy from your family. Your friends come to rescue and enjoy all the booze for free. You call your baby at least twenty times in an hour and she hardly answers. You stalk her in shopping malls and see her enjoying ice cream with her family. You begin understanding the intricacies of life and begin watching a lot of movies with your family. The most astonishing fact is that she is always busy on the phone and you begin to lose out on her.

One fine day you stumble upon her so-to-be husband’s profile on Facebook and you realize that the battle is already lost. He seems to be a wealthy professional settled in a sprawling penthouse in SoBo. You begin comparing yourself to his pet Iguana and the reptile eventually wins. You start listening to Heavy metal and psychedelic rock music and relate to Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. You also contemplate on jumping from a local train but you don’t find a way to the door while it is in motion. When the station arrives, the train pukes you out like a worm and that’s where you drop the plan.

You are surrounded by hysteria and your rules in life begin to change. You start admiring porn stars and show sympathy towards Naxalites. You also try your best to decipher KFC’s secret recipe in your free time. Your friends call up your girl’s so-to-be and threaten him. Next day, you rush to the police station to recover them in a battered condition. You confront the girl’s father and he proposes a noble option – Forget her. Yeah right, you fucking sycophantic dud.

On her wedding day, you have decided to be a women hater and have a dying wish to see her once. Last night, she spoke to you and confessed that she is falling for the new guy while you were preparing an eloping plan to Nagaland. Your dreams collapse like Zimbabwean economy. You were right; she had been speaking to her fancy husband all this while and sympathizing the shit out of you!

You plan a nice gift on her wedding day. You order a large pizza from Dominoes and take a bite out of all the slices and pack it neatly. Your revenge cells are activated and you just want to show what you are made of. You handover the gift to the groom and wish them Good luck – Just like the Albanians did in Taken 1 and leave.

You eat the dinner on a special request from her father and leave with your friends. While you sit at a cheap bar for drinks, your friends ask you a million dollar question – The gift!

The groom opens the gift box to find a half-eaten pizza and wonders. Why?

You say – Exactly! Fucking Irony.

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